Obsession of the moment: Outwar. Only click on that link if you want to help out my Outwar character. Or start your own. Or something. Anyway.

I doubt this OotM will last long. It's only a three Tin Sugar Cube rating.

When it fades ... Gunbound.

Or such.

I haven't been playing new games as much, because I'm really trying to finish some of the games I have lying around before picking up anything new. The fact that I have exiled myself from further purchases until I get a laptop is helping to keep me to that. Funny.

I've also been pretty good about swearing (incoming money to the Jar O' Shame has dropped dramatically; some days, I don't put any money in). I've been good about the red meat.

I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

...yeah. That's about it.

Well, other than some laundry room Drahma, but it's what I get for waiting until the weekend to do laundry. The SUPERbowl weekend.

A Discovery:

Fish and Chips CAN, as a matter of fact, be made badly.

I went to the Windsor Fish and Chips Company for a late lunch last night. I should have been tipped off by the fact that even though the name was displayed above a Brittish flag, the menu was entirely in Chinese.

I highly suggest that everyone go to this resturaunt, at least one time in their lives. The reason for this is that, well, after the meal there, I was with a spring in my step, and a song in my ears. The world seemed brighter, more vibrant and vividly alive than it had ever seemed before.

It was just so nice compared to the meal I'd survived only minutes prior!

Yeah. They had some amazingly sucky fish and chips. I mean, how hard is it to make? Fish, potato, knife, breading, deep-fat-fry.

But no, they had some really crappy nasty batter that was still runny on the inside, and burnt on the outside, and their chips were the lame kind with the funky corrugated edges you can get at the supermarket. It made my stomach hurt. I haven't eaten since yesterday, since remembering the meal.

I feel sick again.

Curse the fact that I can't complain. -_-

Curses again.

Anyway.

As a warning to the #tel crowd. If another whine from You Know Who gets back to me, I'm going to explode in a ball of Gaul-driven verbal beat-down and yell to the channel exactly why so many people are leaving, and to STFU already.

I feel a need to lash out, and I instinctively hunt the less intelligent. Maybe I just want an easy target.

But I loathe attention whores, oh yes I do....

...and no, the irony is not lost on me.

I now run a game.

I guess, actually, if I stop to think about it, it's been going for a while now.

It makes me happy. It is my shiny, confusing, whacked out, and strange game.

Game.

....

What, you want a link?

Fine. Admire ... my game!

Or, you know, not.

The dang thing is huge.

Arg.

I like begining my entries with monosylabic utterances.

I don't know why.

Yesterday, I went with Lord Buffington all the way to Merced, passing (by chance) through the lands where I spent my childhood as a wee lad.

I saw the house I lived in for nearly eight years.

It brought back a lot of memories. Even when I was younger, I always had issues with nostalgia. I don't understand that, either. I think I spend far too much time worrying about the could-have-beens instead of the still-might- bes.

But I can never let go of that nostaliga. Video games and books, these things are always something that's interested me. Anime and manga, too. Because you can look at it, and once it's over, you can watch it again. You never have to worry about losing a moment of it -- it's all going to be there for you to come back to.

And then, when that's done, you can explore the could-have-beens by writing ... fanfiction. Or just see where the story goes next. And I have to wonder, looking at it like that, if it's really a good thing for me to be writing fanfiction.

I want to go back to school....

So.

I go through these bouts. Depression, moodiness, etc. It all boils down into the simple fact that no one likes to feel stupid.

So when I feel stupid, I get upset, because I want to run from the shame, etc. But I can't blame someone else for being smarter than me, so who do I get angry at? Myself, of course.

I think, when I study this, I realize that I'm upset that I'm not smarter than everyone else, which when I actually stop to consider ... is really stupid. But that's how it is, I guess. Realizing this makes it easier to ignore, so that's a positive. Huh.

At any rate. This problem is sybiotic with my whiny attitude and constant clamoring for attention. So, my destructive tendancies drive me to do things like cut my arm with a box-cutter. 'Oh, how horrible,' you think. But it's not. See, I'm such a wuss I'm hardly even cutting myself. It's just a tiny scratch from someone who's too afraid of pain to even decently damage themselves.

And, anyway, offering sympathy for something that stupid only encourages the self-destructive cycle.

I wish my psyche couldn't be boiled down to that few lines. Then again, maybe it's better for me that I'm such a simple person; I'm easier for me to understand.

In later news.

I soloed Baal last night.

It cost me fifty cents.

Before you ask how, let me explain my Jar of Shame.

Which is rapidly consuming my laundry money.

Since I have (as it turns out) weak willpower, and not-so-impressive self control, I charge myself fifty cents for each swear-word I use (I don't count 'jebus' or 'crikey'), and put them in my prominently displayed jar of Planter's Shame.

I think, since Monday or Tuesday, I've built up nearly ten dollars.

And now you want to know why I've decided swearing is bad. No, really, you want to know how the heck the Vatican got ahold of an AI, and what they were doing with it.

Too bad for you I'm answering a different question.

Basically, I've found that I swear. A lot. Never in situations with people I think I shouldn't around (never with family, customers, etc). However, I do it without thinking, and that's not such a positive thing.

Aside from which, if I can beat this, I'll get something like a +5 points to WILL, and that gives me that much a better chance at taking half damage from EGO attacks.