Happy Halloween.

And such.

So, I slept in today. That was nice.

Then I went to an interview, and I think it went well, but you never know.

Then I went to visit my parents, and we watched a movie called 'Dreamcatcher'. And let me tell you now -- this is a movie that screams, "I was a brilliant book!"

It was not, however, a brilliant movie.

Some might go so far as to say it was notably un-brilliant.

But it was kind of fun anyway. I mean, I got to visit my parents, and that's something I'm horrible about.

When I was getting ready for my interview, I found my first gray hair today. Actually, it's not gray. It's white. I wonder if I have a tiny scar on my head that caused it, or if it's normal for people my age to get a single white hair or two, or ... maybe it's a supernatural haunted/cursed hair and it presages my death.

I don't know.

I also know that my lack of knowledge makes me unhappy. I desire to be more knowledgeable, and in a true enough sense, my desire is the root of my discontent. I want many things I expect I can't have outside of my dreams or perhaps some distant afterlife.

As I learn more of the Tao, I think it begins to say that knowing less, and not desiring to know more is the secret to being happy. But that saddens me, because even if 'ignorance is bliss', I don't think I'd want to not know anything. I know there's a balance, but I don't know how to find it. I think I'm drawing closer, but I'm no longer assured of this. Perhaps I will meditate tonight and ponder this.

Or perhaps I'll just sleep, learn not to worry, and everything will work out.

Another subject change. I notice that people tend to become more philosophical or willing to turn to religion when in dire straights. Is it that they no longer believe that they truly have the potential within themselves to overcome their hardships, and that they want to try and find a convenient excuse to be strong enough to withstand their trials and tribulations? For Christianity, at least, while they may claim that their faith protects them, they also say, "God helps those who help themselves."

I think often people who say that their faith in religion makes them stronger are just saying that because it's easier and more acceptable to them than saying, "I'm strong enough to forge my own destiny." Maybe it's a fear that cows them into conforming, and maybe, if that's the case, it's really not strength; it's accepting one weakness in exchange for another.

Maybe, I'm getting way too freaking convoluted in my little existentialism thoughts, and should really just relax.

And maybe sleep is a good thing.

I think sleep deserves more attention than, "Will I get that job?" or "What drives man to seek religion?" right now.

Peace till tomorrow, when I report how the party went.