Hum.

First entry of the new year.

I'm trying to pull myself up, so I think I'm letting myself slip because, "I can recover later, this is my last shot at X."

That's not good, so.... I think I'll instead say that tonight at midnight's the cut-off point. From there forward, it's all strictly enforced self- improvement.

Wish me luck.

1.) No more red meat, pork, or high-fat foods.

2.) No more swearing (or at least, far less).

3.) No more sodas, or anything else in junk-food format. That's stuff's so bad for you. >_<

4.) Profit.

5.) Get a laptop.

That's about it, since I failed to get into classes this year.

VCD Encoding.

I must learn how to do it again. I haven't tried in a few years.

Also, I need to figure out how to rip directly from video source into .gif image. I don't care how large the .gif is, I plan on making it smaller via careful editing. But I need that direct conversion, because otherwise I need to shut off hardware acceleration so I can screencap from media player, crop, save-as, etc.

And there's got to be a better way.

I mean, it'd be great to have some avatar images for the hell of it....

I feel angered and upset.

Good things happened today. I gave a gift, and recieved nothing in reciprocation.

I feel that this is positive. I did not expect a gift in return, and I think, ideally, that this is how gift exchanges should be done. The recipients expected no gift, and they appeared to be pleased to have it. That's what it's about. Doing something nice for someone not because of an obligation, like a holiday, or a birthday, but because you CAN.

Maybe we could cut down on commercialism if we did away with Christmas and just encouraged people to do nice things for eachother.

Anyway. Unfortunately, Lord and Lady Buffington felt the need to give me something in return. I don't like this because it gives me the idea that they wouldn't have, had I not given them something first. It makes me feel like I'm (in a way) imposing on them to get me something back.

I didn't mention this, of course. I just joked about how they didn't love me because they got me nothing (which is a stupid joke, in retrospect), and then we all laughed, and she said she'd have a present for me at their Winter Holiday party, so I'd have to come and get it.

Of course, this goes back to Rose. Yes.

So I simply said, "Well, my standard proviso still applies to attendance," expecting to get a dissaproving look and have the issue dropped.

Jackie, of course, did not know about the proviso, and asked about it. When she found out that my proviso was, "I will attend, provided that Rose is not there," Jackie retorted, "Well, that's really mature, guys."

Two things about this. First, I think that considering that I will not enjoy myself if I am made to endure her, attending would be stupid. Why bother going if I know I'm going to be miserable? I've never really fit in with the 'furry' crowd, anyway, so why not save everyone trouble and not attend. If I did go, I would get upset, I'd get annoyed, and eventually, I'd explode and yell at Rose because she's so self-absord it repulses me.

A brief digression. I don't hate her. Hate is too strong. Despise is not, because she inspires the utmost levels of revulsion and disgust in all that I abhor in humanity within a single being. Perhaps the reason I dislike her so much is because she reminds me of the self-centered, egomaniacal, controlling, and simple-minded person that I used to be. With one critical difference. I wanted to become a better person. She gets no sympathy from me, because as far as I can tell, she does not.

Secondly, "guys"? What, she's got issues with me, too? Well, that's actually somewhat comforting, if so. If she's aware that she causes some form of reaction from me, then maybe she isn't such a bad person after all, and maybe it's all a miscommunication.

Or maybe Jackie just thought that Lord and Lady Buffington agreed with me, and it'd be better for me to torture myself with Rose's presense/cause an ugly scene that cost me several friends when it escalated to violence (Rose's boyfriend is actually a cool guy, and I think he'd probably kick my ass if I insulted her, but that wouldn't stop me from saying what I feel would need to be said).

So, yes, Jackie, I think this is the mature response, and I hope you understand how angry I am at you being so critical without knowing the entire story.

A moment of clarity.

These things never become clear to me when they should, however.

Anyway. I am having trouble getting classes. Most vexing.

I'm trying to retain my confidence. But sometimes, it's hard.

My blogging has become irregular.

I've decided to only try and make noise when I had something worth saying. Wow, watch me backtrack so quickly that everything looks like it's being rewound.

Anyway.

So, this week in review: Got chewed out by boss. Did buttloads of work. Started to suspect that I'm gaining weight.

Well.

Nobody likes the first.

The second is nice, after the fact, insofar as it's no longer a concern. It being ... well ... dealt with.

The third doesn't worry me too much. I'm going to be attending college again, which is about two miles from where I live. Closer to three from where I work. And that means I'll be riding my bike to school. Which will be good.

Oh, right. I'm going back to college to learn me something. I'll be taking classess year round, when I get off of work, until I make some sort of degree.

Then I'm moving to Japan for a year. But that's a good time off. Probably I'll be back in the states by the time I'm 29.

Now that's depressing.

I'll be about 30 before I'm even ready to date. Vexing.

Anyway. I had some deep and meaningful commentary to share on human growth and society in general, but somehow, it all kind of faded back into the background. Perhaps as a subtle hint that I'm meant to shut my trap once in a while. I'm sleepy, and my level 14 Amazon is tired of stabbing with her javelins.

So. Some 4chan, then some sleep. Though perhaps, not in that order.